Safe in Your Own Skin
Safe in Your Own Skin
The “Holy Grail” of satisfaction is feeling at home in our own skin. That desire drives the world. It causes wars, drives economies and brings job security for the entire mental wellness industry.
I’ve written before about a major surgery I had just after turning forty. It required a large incision that crossed my abdomen left to right along the bottom of my ribcage. When I woke up, my stomach looked like a Frankenstein freak show. Lots of thread and staples.
A curious part of the recovery process was moving from a place of physical mending to mental well-being. Long after the incision had healed, I had an unshakeable feeling that if I wasn’t careful, it would pop back open again. This especially was the case when I was lifting weights. I can remember lying on the bench, preparing to perform a bench press, and thinking, “Be careful…”
For that season, I literally did not feel “safe in my own skin.”
But there’s a deeper sense in which we use that phrase, isn’t there? We all know what it feels like to have our security threatened. The nagging feeling that people or events might conspire to bring us trouble. We understand the longing for peace, that sometimes elusive sense that “everything is all right.”
I would contend that many of the things we do—for better or for worse—are about this desire to feel safe in our own skin. When stress begins to rise up, where do you turn? When you’ve been going a thousand miles per hour and just want to “get away,” what do you do?
And then there’s the threat that comes from an underlying awareness that something needs to change. A behavior. A well-worn thought loop. A coping mechanism. They exist in our lives like an itch we can’t scratch or a pebble stuck in our hiking boot. We can’t make up our minds whether it’s worth pausing, unlacing the boot and getting it out. After all, there’s just another mile or two till the end of the trail.
It’s important to pay attention to these tension points within our hearts. At some level, they are symptoms of something deeper. What exactly?
Well, fundamentally, when we are walking in faith, we are promised a few things. We are promised perfect peace. We are promised a sense of security and well-being. We are promised that perfect love will cast out fear. So, in the absence of these realities, some force other than faith is at work.
Our coping mechanisms are unhelpful adaptations to a condition that, when faith is strong, should not prevail. Put bluntly: We do silly things to cover up what’s really going on in our hearts. Sometimes, those silly things develop into self-sabotaging habits.
Here’s the good news: The Lord isn’t surprised by these. He’s already taken care of them at the Cross. He’s already given us an unshakeable identity in Christ. Our place in His Family is totally secure.
To pause and examine what’s really going on won’t be the death of us. In fact, it will allow us to keep growing with a deeper sense of love and connection to the Holy Spirit.
So, where are some places we go to find peace and security? Where do we turn to feel alright?
More importantly: When our interior life has been disturbed, tensing up against a perceived threat, what are we believing in that moment? THAT is the trigger that will sometimes drive us into fear-based coping rather than faith-based victory.
I’m always so amazed at the goodness of Jesus. I’m so humbled and honored that the Holy Spirit has a great interest in helping me discover and grow. In my experience, His voice is gentle. He assures even as He diagnoses. And, when I let Him, He always brings healing.
That space—fellowship and presence—is where we find the peace and security we’re longing for. It’s where we find it safe to live in our own skin.
Let’s find that place together!
